Worried over safety of our secrets, Cdes


Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

COMRADES, while many of you have joined the progressive world in celebrating the Edward Snowden case that has left this Barack Obama boy with an egg in the face, I am worried that our own local version of Snowden, this Baba Jukwa cyber terro-rist(s) may one day wake up and embarrass us. That would be a disaster, I can tell you. Look at it like this Cdes. Since no one has had sight of the reports that he is claiming to be in possession of, how would we be able to convince our gullible people that the reports are not only fake, but false as well? That is if this criminal(s) were to one day just start publishing false reports on his social network platforms, claiming they are the real thing.
I would like to believe that there is not a single soul out there that has a copy of any of these reports. With these social networks and cyber criminals like this Baba Jukwa, I don’t think it is still a good idea to keep any record of secrets… moreso when a number of you are increasingly getting less and less trustworthy. If that can happen to Americans, it can happen to any government in the world.
Which brings forth an important question to you Cde Pats and other legal gurus in the party: While I am assured that we have intensified our hunt for this cyber terrorist(s), what specific law has this person(s) broken so far? I mean to ask if we have laws ready to specifically deal with this case? We shouldn’t be found wanting when this thug(s) — who has since upgraded himself from being a mere squalid nuisance to a full-blown terrorist — is eventually brought to book.
We cannot be seen to be practising retrospective justice — just like me and some of you who have studied law know that the Nazi German “war crimes” prosecuted to this day by America, Britain and their Second World War allies heinous as they are, are not — legally speaking —crimes at all, since there were no specific laws in existence at the time for them to break. So Cde Pats, be proactive… dust-up our State security-related laws so that we have one specific to Baba Jukwa & Co.
We should not be found wanting when we get hold of this criminal(s) and end up hurriedly enacting laws that we would be forced to try and apply in retrospect.
In the meantime, Cdes I am happy that after some challenges, our emotive primaries ended well. As per tradition, they resulted in some disgruntled candidates filing nomination papers as independents. I urge those losing candidates who — in their moment of anger — decided to dismiss themselves from the party by filing nomination papers as independents, to listen to Cde Jonah’s sound advice. As the anger subsides they should do the right thing.
 It is still not too late to correct their mistakes.

Kindest Regards

Yours Sincerely



Following the American President Barack Obama’s potshots at us from the safety of neighbouring South Africa at the weekend, many of CZ’s fellow super-patriots were so livid that some of us feared that Zimbabwe could attack America in a pre-emptive move to defend its sovereignty and territorial integrity. We hope Obama will not provoke a sovereign nation again because we reserve the right to defend ourselves “from any form of aggression”!
Just like a good Christian always refers to the Bible for strength in moments of weakness, in face of deafening (but baseless) criticism from the West, CZ — as a super-patriot — always refers to the following statement by the Great Uncle: “…In other words, neither Europe nor America — the two powers keenest to give us lectures on democracy — had a hand in fighting for, or creating the democracy we enjoy today in the country.
“No, instead they subverted it out of self-interest. Today we  tell them boldly they have no lessons on democracy to impart to us. They cannot teach us  democracy today. They had        none to give to us for nearly a century of their misrule here. We scoff at and reject such rank hypocrisy!”
Angry vote?
This week millions of Zimbabweans who had access to South African Broadcasting Corporation (SA-BC) and other foreign television programmes via not-so-legal satellite connections were suddenly cut after years of being threatened.
As a result of this move, one thing is now almost as certain as death and taxes… that many Zimbos will have to like their one and only TV station, the most entertaining Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation!
CZ is confused about the timing of this move.
There are those who say this is a deliberate move by the all-powerful ZANU-PF arm of the finally-ending coalition government to force Zimbabweans to watch its campaign programmes.
Others say the move is part of the regime-change agenda… the idea is that if Zimbabweans in urban areas are forced to watch ZANU-PF’s twaddle on ZBC they would become angry and start wondering why on earth they have not been voting all these years… and therefore voter turn-out in urban areas would be almost 100 percent!
Well, whatev­er the reason for this move, CZ thinks Cde Jabulani Sibanda should immediately complement it with Operation Bvisa Satelite Dish.
 Let’s wait and see!
This is CZ’s Notebook.

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