CABINET FILES AND NOTEBOOK WITH CZ
Dear Cabinet and
COMRADES, I am just taking advantage of this lull …this gap provided for in our brand new Constitution to allow perennially losing presidential candidates to get their petition dismissed by the Constitutional Court — like what would exactly be happening to Morgan’s petition — in order for me to perform this delicately difficult task of drawing up the best possible Cabinet line-up in the history of this country.Everything else that needed to be said, I said during the Heroes Day and the Defence Forces Day commemorations.
If I continue saying more, especially as regards to our resounding electoral victory, it might end up being sub judice since we have to argue our case before the courts.
What I have no doubt whatsoever about in my mind is that our able legal defence team lead by Cde Pats will have a real field day in court.
He he he-eh! Seka hako mwana wevhu! Ende nhamo haibvi pane imwe chokwadi!
I read in the newspapers that after the tsunami of losing the elections, Morgan is not only fighting to save face on the political front, but at home as well!
It is only natural that his dull supporters will try to link his wife’s infidelity to our party!
… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK
Let your trustworthy CZ start by announcing that it is not true that Swaziland has banned divorce… that a man or a woman cannot just opt out of a marriage agreement, no matter how dysfunctional it might be. And it is just not true that half this country would wish to be Swazi!
The results of the harmonised elections were wonderful. CZ is particularly overjoyed that God and the gods were finally kind to some veteran characters from the winning party… at the real long last! Super patriotic characters that, for long, had been languishing deep in political nothingness.
We were really beginning to fear that some of these ever-ready-to-die-for-the-country fellas were on the verge of committing suicide! Finally the godly smiles have come their way… and they can move around with dignity again, instead of always appearing to be professional hangers-on, the way they were almost always appearing to be! We hope and pray that the same luck (or were they charms?) that worked wonders this time around can see one or two of them making it into Eucharistic Cabinet!
For the record, CZ has since turned down an offer to be the minister of State for Relatives and Hangers-on Affairs on fears that the he could drown in a bloated Cabinet. Kindly and eerily pray that Yours Truly reconsiders his position on this once-in-a-lifetime offer to be a real somebody!
Sadly, things did not change for Cde Tshinga Dube in Makokoba. He is the other one who literally cries when issues to do with this country come to the fore. We have no doubt whatsoever that with enough patience, he can finally become legislator for that area… God and the gods are not yet fools!
Still on winners and losers, we would all want to join MDC-T’s Solomon Madzore in serious prayers that the ConCourt rules the harmonised elections) were not flee and fair (or is it called free and fair?) because being the otherwise the gentleman that he is, we would expect him to do nothing else but sadly hand-deliver his dearest wife to President Robert Mugabe as per his highly charged speech in the run-up to the polls. The artificially charged fiery brother man of the “shedding our blood for this cause” ‘scandal’ was (mis)quoted as saying something to this effect: “If (President) Robert Mugabe wins the elections, I will give him my wife!”
Zimbabwe is the place to be at this moment in time, that we can assure you and your grandmothers!
Read this: “(CNN) — More than 100 000 people are eager to make themselves at home on another planet. They’ve applied for a one-way trip to Mars, hoping to be chosen to spend the rest of their lives on uncharted territory, according to an organisation planning the manned missions.
The Mars One project wants to colonise the red planet, beginning 2022. There are financial and practical questions about this venture that haven’t been clarified. Will there be enough money? Will people really be able to survive on Mars? But these haven’t stopped some 30 000 Americans from signing up.
You can see some of the candidates on the project’s website, but they’re not the only ones who have applied, said Bas Lansdorp, Mars One boss and co-founder.
“There is also a very large number of people who are still working on their profile, so either they have decided not to pay the application fee, or they are still making their video or they’re still filling out the questionnaire or their resume. So the people that you can see online are only the ones that have finished and who have set their profiles as public,” Lansdorp said.
The entrepreneur did not specify how many have paid the fees, completed their profiles and configured them as private… blah, blah!
So you have it!
Those of CZ’s fans who think Yours Truly is just skeptical for the fun and pleasure of being skeptical now have it. Until now, the reason why CZ didn’t trust the next human being was exactly for this exactly reason. There were many people who owe Yours Truly a lot (both in cash and kind), but since out great revolutionary party set itself into a winning mode, we were told that almost all the debts (imaginable) had suddenly vanished. Water bills, municipals bills, ZESA bills … well TelOne bills are also in the line of the good fire!
Now comes this shocker! How should we have no reason to fear that all those people who owe us large sums of money (and everything else) may suddenly disappear from the face of this earth? Can someone kindly give us assurances that when the threatened trip to Mars eventually takes place, some of us who are blessed with some of the most beautiful wives on this side of the rainbow, will not find ourselves bachelors once again! We say so because there are just too many rich bastards on this earth who might just be tempted to horde our wives over there. What CZ is saying is that if one finds their wife missing in the future…!
And from a patriotic side of things, we notice that there are too many brothers who have been amassing wealth at jaw-dropping rates… could this have something to do with this dream expedition? That some Zimbos have been blessed with the patriotic task of getting ready to grab Zimbabwe’s toe-hold on the next planet? What we have grown to know as of now is that we all come to this sad earth with nothing and we will all be leaving it with nothing. But the rate at which some Cdes that we fought with side by side during the war have started amassing the goodies of this world, we are now being tempted to be suspicious. Wealth, and good wealth for that matter, could soon become an entrée to the hereafter!
CZ has every reason to hate being poor!
CZ read the juicy stories about some putative shenanigans allegedly taking place at the good outgoing Prime Minister’s home. As much as per our own rich African tradition it is not the done thing to hit a man who is already down, CZ is not qualified to put his dirty, naturally, mouth into this conversation. But what CZ is sure as sunrise will be coming tomorrow is that there would be quite a number of lawsuits starting anytime soon. Who will be suing who, we can not tell for sure, but what is definite is that the courts will be getting busier than normal. So we all wait and see!
CZ is very angry! In fact, the thug can actually hang himself straight away! Nxa-a! See, there are some criminally-minded professional colleagues who have the gall and effrontery to go around spreading the malicious rumour that CZ’s dearest brother in arms, one and only Cde Forster Dongozi — may God and the gods take good care of him and his family!… and also his entire clan! — is plotting to turn his current position as the all-powerful secretary general of the Zimbabwe Union of Journalists (ZUJ) into a life position. They claim he wants to be ZUJ’s secretary general for life!
CZ has known Cde Forster as a dedicated cadre for the total liberation of the ever “useless” journalistic fraternity. There is no way he could ever be part to that conspiracy.
After the How Mine shaft election debacle Cde Forster naturally knows beyond any criminal doubt that he is half that popular… and besides there is no legacy he can claim to be hanging around to defend just as his counterparts on the national political scene claim to be defending! The people, the people! Ki ki ki-i!
Well in fact, the people are ever ready to contribute to his legal fees as he sues these misfits back to the Stone Age! Nxa-a!
This is CZ’s Notebook.
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