Yes ladies, read that again and say it out loud. It’s okay to want commitment.
It’s okay to want to get married, live together and have babies.
It’s okay to want to grow old together and have someone who’ll go on adventures with you.
It’s okay to want to hold somebody’s hand and not feel alone – and it’s okay to feel as though you’re a healthy human being if you do want a relationship or a commitment.
Believe it or Not
We have so many funny beliefs in modern Western society: Men don’t want relationships for example, and women who do want relationships and commitment come across as clingy and scare men off.
These beliefs have permeated every nook and cranny of our global society, perpetuated largely by American romantic comedies where the leading man is always afraid of commitment and run away from steady relationships as if they are some sort of vicious plague.
We’re not all feminists
Likewise, the belief that wanting a relationship or needing one to fulfil you somehow makes you less of a person.
In fairness, this probably stems from the feminist revolution of a few decades back.
Ladies, we are truly grateful for what you gave us, the freedoms and civil liberties. However, we choose to celebrate our independence as women by choosing to be in relationships that complements who we are, rounds out our lives and quite frankly couldn’t see ourselves living happily without it. I’ll apologise if that offends you.
As the ANC played a critical role in the abolition of apartheid, every revolution needs revolutionaries dedicated to the cause; strong-willed men and women who pitch up, pitch in, make their voices heard, their presence felt and walk the talk.
We’re not all revolutionaries and some of us relish the more traditional role in life. We don’t deserve to be made to feel less significant as people for our choices and wanting that role.
Give yourself Permission
If you really, truly, honestly want a relationship in your life you have to embrace that wish and give yourself permission to want it.
Yes, I’ll say that again: You have to give yourself permission to want a relationship.
We know ourselves in a relationship and not in abstraction.
As humans it’s easy to pretend to have certain characteristics when no one is around to challenge you, but once you actually go out there and interact with people, the way you act, the way you behave, that’s who you really are.
When you meet someone and fall in love, what you actually enjoy is not them so much as the feeling that wells inside you when they are close to you.
If you pay close attention, you’ll also notice that what you really like has a lot more to do with who you are when you are around that person, and the fact that they see and like you.
Certain people bring out certain characteristics in us, either the best or the worst, and this is how we know who we are, how we define ourselves. It’s a natural part of life.
We need people to exist.
If you’re your own boss you still need clients and employees. Awards and recognition can only happen if there are people around to recognise us, affirm us and with whom we share the experience. Love needs two people to survive and it will put down roots and grow from there.
We all Crave Love and Affection
From the moment we’re born we have an instinctive understanding of a few things, not least of which is our need for love and tenderness in our lives.
It is a normal and natural part of the human condition that aspires to love, to receive love, to have affection, to give love, to have a partner who knows us and shares our space and life.
Loneliness is a commonly understood experience and something we all recognise as difficult to live with and painful to go through. We do not bloom and grow, but seem to shrink within ourselves. Loss and separation are similarly understood to be a negative, distressing and harrowing experience.
Those emotions are exactly the opposite of the comforting, heartwarming and exhilarating feelings we have when we are in love, when we have a partner with whom we choose to share our life.
Wanting that, craving that closeness, needing a connection and bond is the most truly human experience there is and the joy obtained is unparalleled in human existence.
When you want a commitment, you answer the highest natural expression of yourself as a human being and you deserve to have that need met in every way.
It’s okay to want a commitment, it’s okay to want love and when you accept that desire for yourself and give yourself permission, you open the door which allows love into your life.